how about how are you ok? because it is a long fall from heaven?
First of all, WENDY HAVE YOU BEEN WORKING TOO HARD? Did the fall from heaven disorient you a little?
Also, this is making me think about God!Tazer again, whoops - God!Tazer who has no game.
He’s always a little secretly delighted when people pay attention to him at all when not just to worship or curse, so maybe it comes of a little intense and creepy; girls can sense that shit like blood.
But when he goes out with Kaner, Kaner seems so confident - tells God that he’ll be his wingman and vice versa, throws an arm around God’s shoulders and tells God he’s got this. All God needs to do is follow his lead.
And God’s like, okay, because Kaner’s an attractive guy, he thinks.
It’s true that a lot of the time God just wants to smite him, but the rest of the time he kind of wishes he could stop and stare at the way Kaner’s muscles work beneath his skin, the exact shape of his dimples when he smiles, the feathery tip of each eyelash.
He could get lost in the results of his own handiwork (he always feels a bit of proprietary pride when he looks at Kaner, even though chance had just as much to do with the end result, really - he tells himself that chance is responsible for the TERRIBLE things about Kaner).
In any case, he thinks Kaner will know what he’s doing, so they hit up a club together.
Almost as soon as they’re through the doors, Kaner points out a leggy curvaceous blonde nursing a drink alone at the bar.
She’s Tazer’s type (not God’s type, because everyone is God’s type, but he’d taken an afternoon to decide that Jonathan Toews was going to go for blonde bombshells with a sense of humor), so Kaner’s like, “Okay, go up to her and ask her if it hurt when she fell from Heaven.”
And God’s immediately distracted, because, like, what? First of all, Heaven isn’t LITERALLY UP ABOVE; you don’t fall from it. Second of all, if she were IN heaven in the first place, she wouldn’t be here - that’s kind of the point of Heaven? God’s really the only one who’s able to cross over.
These things spill out before he can stop himself, and at first he’s sorry, because blowing his cover was not on the agenda for the day, but then he’s not, because Kaner shrugs and goes, “What the hell, man, it’s just a line. Heaven’s just a state of mind. A state of mind where hot chicks come from.”
And that’s Kaner DISSING GOD’S HOME. it’s not the first or tenth or thousandth time God’s come across atheists or agnostics or even truly faithful people who like to joke about their religion, and it’s not like Kaner doesn’t diss Jonathan Toews’ apartment just as readily, but Heaven is kind of close to God’s heart - he’s been working on it steadily since Creation, okay, it’s his biggest super long-term DIY project - and Kaner’s also pretty close to God’s heart these days, and to hear one being dismissive of the other is just -
God’s a little hurt.
So he does what he does when he’s hurt, which is bristle, and soon the girl at the bar is forgotten, and he and Kaner are hissing furiously at each other at the entrance of the club while a ring of people look on, entertained.
It finally reaches the stage where God’s like, “You wanna go? Because we can go right now,” and Kaner’s all, “Oh my god, how are you such a fucking moron,” (which is more apt than he knows), and God’s bunching up his fists and Kaner’s tossing up his hands and the bouncers have to come in and break it up and throw them out.
…I tried to write this in tags, but it got too long. :(